The dreams that make you run
by Sapphire1112
Summary: Two-parter. The mind plays tricks sometimes - or could it be a guilty conscience? I do not own the characters. Strachamp.
1. Chapter 1

_The sombre music reverberated painfully around his skull as they carried her up the aisle. He followed behind, supporting his inconsolable daughter, his vision blurred by his own tears. They had been too late._

 _A few months ago, they had left without telling Connie – at least he had and he had lied. He had lied to Grace that it was all her Mum's idea – that Connie was happy about it. The reality was cruel. He had just taken Grace and left with her – all behind Connie's back and there hadn't even been any proper goodbyes. He had been doing what he wanted – as usual, without considering Connie at all, the woman he claimed to care for. As a result, they were thousands of miles away when it happened and now their daughter would never get to hug her Mum again. He didn't think Grace would ever forgive him._

 _They stared at the photo of the stunning brunette beauty on the coffin. A smiling photo of Connie Beauchamp was a rare object, but she'd always smile for Grace. Now, she would smile no more – for this was the final send-off for Grace's Mum. The woman he secretly loved – though he suspected it hadn't been a secret to her. He buried his head in his hands as the noise of Grace's sobbing, along with his own sobs, overwhelmed him._

Sam woke up suddenly sweating, the tears rolling down his face. _That had been far too real._ He snatched his phone from the bedside table and frantically dialled Connie's number. "Please...please...Con-"

 _'This is Connie Beauchamp. I'm too busy to take your call. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'_

" _Damn!_ " he slammed the phone down on the bed and ran his hand through his hair. _Right, calm down._ He thought. _Think this through._ Of course – it was the early hours in England and Connie's shift started at 7am – Grace had said so last night after speaking to her. Connie would be asleep. She only left her phone on if she was on-call, which didn't happen very often. One of the perks of being the boss.

He rang her phone again – deciding to leave a message, though after the beep of her answer phone, he had no idea what to say. "Connie, hi...it's Sam...er...this is a bit of an... _odd_ request, but could you um... _text_ me or _something_ , please – just er...let me know that you're ok... _please_? Thanks...sorry...sorry to bother you."

Sam was on his feet within seconds of putting the phone back down and had his suitcase open on the bed.. He was darting around the room chucking things in it, when Grace appeared at the door rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"Daddy, what are you doing? - it's the middle of the night."

"Go and pack a suitcase, darling. We have to go."

"Go _where?!"_

"England."

She looked puzzled. "Is...is Mum ok?"

"As far as I know."

"Then _why_ are you being weird, Daddy? - and what about school?"

Sam flipped the lid of his case shut. "Look, I um...had a bad... _dream_..."

Grace stared at him. " _You need Mum, because you had a nightmare...?_ "

He sighed and took her hand. "Gracie, I just _really_ need to see your Mum, ok? - please don't be difficult. I'll sort school out, just...go and pack your suitcase, while I book our flight."

"Ok, Daddy."

 _They were on the next_ _available_ _flight._ Grace could tell that her Dad was upset by something, but he wouldn't tell her what the dream had been about and she knew not to push the matter for the moment – maybe he'd explain when they saw her Mum. Sam kept looking at his phone nervously and seemed visibly relieved when his phone beeped with a text from Connie.

 _'I'm fine, Sam.'_

"Who was that from?" Grace asked as he exhaled.

"Your Mum."

"Oh, what did she say?"

"She said she's fine."

Grace deliberated whether to push for more information. "Daddy, does Mum _know_ we're going to see her?"

"Er... _not exactly_." He muttered vaguely.

Grace sighed and switched her i-pod back on. He obviously wasn't up for talking. He would have a _lot_ of explaining to do when they got there...

" _Sam? Grace?"_ Charlie exclaimed in surprise, as they arrived in the ED, dragging their cases after a long flight and subsequent taxi journey. "I wasn't expecting you."

"I don't think _anyone_ was!" Grace giggled helpfully.

Charlie looked mystified and opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted when Sam noticed her shut-up office.

" _Where's Connie?_ " He asked Charlie.

"But – I thought that's why you were here?" Charlie stammered.

" _No, we're here because Dad_ _dy_ _had a nightmare..._ " Grace told him brightly.

" _Grace!_ " Her father warned, turning back to Charlie, before he had the chance to probe her any further. " _Where's Connie?_ " He repeated.

"I'll er...I'll take you up." Charlie muttered as the three of them piled into the lift, cases and all. "I don't think she's gone in yet."

" _Gone in?!_ " Sam repeated.

Charlie looked uncomfortable. "Surgery. I'm sorry Sam. I _thought_ she'd told you."

Sam swallowed the colour draining from his face. "No. She _told me_ she was fine."

" _Of course she did._ " Charlie sighed as the lift doors opened and he began leading them to her room. "I'll let Connie explain what's wrong – but go easy on her, Sam. Don't be angry at her for not telling you – she hasn't had an easy time of it these past few months and it took an awful lot to get her to have any treatment. Getting her to _tell_ anyone about it was hard enough."

Grace had been quiet up to now – listening intently. "She'll be ok, Dad – whatever it is. Mum's _brilliant!_ She can get through _anything!_ "

They stopped outside her room. "Jac's doing the surgery." Charlie remarked as Sam eyed the tired looking figure sat on the edge of the bed in a hospital gown, facing away from them. "Connie didn't want Jac at first – said it was too close to home. I think she felt it wouldn't be fair to ask Jac to do it when she'd mentored her, but when Jac heard she needed the surgery – she _wanted_ to do it...Sam – she needs to stay _calm_ , ok?" Sam nodded as Charlie opened the door. "Look Connie – you've got some visitors."

The pale woman turned her head as Grace darted past the men – her arms out-stretched. " _Mummy!_ "

" _Gently_ , Grace." Sam told his daughter, nervously. Even though he didn't know what was wrong, he had a slight idea now that he knew who was doing the surgery, and Connie looked a bit fragile to him – as if she might shatter if Grace hugged her to hard.

Grace slowed down and wrapped her arms gently around her Mum. "I missed you _so_ much." She whispered.

Connie rubbed her daughter's back. "I missed you too, sweetheart." She murmured, glancing Sam, gratefully for bringing her daughter, then she looked past him at Charlie. "Thank you for _not_ listening to me."

Charlie shook his head. "You're welcome, Connie – but actually, _this_ wasn't me. I tried and tried but I couldn't get an answer – then they _just turned up._ " He looked at Grace. "Shall we go and get a drink, Grace – I think your parents need to have a chat."

Grace hesitated. She didn't really want to leave her Mum. Connie stroked her back. "I'll explain everything I promise, darling – _I promise_ , but I need to talk to your Dad first, ok?"

Grace nodded and followed Charlie out the door. "We won't be long – _remember_ what I said, Sam." The latter reminded him, before shutting the door.

"What did he say?" Connie muttered as Sam sat next to her on the bed.

"He told me to keep you calm." Sam responded. "So, I don't know what's wrong – but if _Jac Naylor's_ doing the surgery, I'm guessing it's your heart?"

Connie nodded. "It's a heart tumour."

"Cancer?"

"I don't know – they said from the scans it's _probably_ malignant." She explained quietly. "I wasn't going to _have_ the treatment. I was scared Sam – _so scared_ , but eventually I realised that I was _more_ scared of _not_ having the treatment...I...I don't want Grace to _know_ – about me being scared, I mean – _please, Sam_?"

"Hey, shush." He whispered hearing her voice quavering. "I won't tell Grace that – _I promise._ You remember when I was ill?"

"How could I _forget_?" She murmured.

"You were there for me, Con – and I couldn't have done it without you. You got me through it – _you and Grace_. - and Grace and I are going to to get _you_ through this, ok."

Connie nodded. "There's one thing though, _before_ they come back. I know you don't want to hear this, Sam – but I _need_ you to promise me, just in case. _If I don't come back..._ "

" _Connie..._ "

"No. _I need to say this._ If I don't come back – _promise me_ you'll look after her."

"Of course I will, but you're going to be _fine_ , Con." He answered firmly.

"Thank you...I do... _love_...you, you know." She muttered as Grace and Charlie reappeared. It wasn't something she'd admit to under normal circumstances, but she had to say it – just this once. _Just in case._

He kissed her head. " _I know_ , Connie – I love you too."

"Did we come back too soon?" Charlie commented as he let Grace back in.

"No, perfect timing!" Sam answered as Grace sat down, waiting patiently.

Connie opened and closed her mouth – at a _complete loss_ at how to explain the situation to her daughter without scaring her. _How could she tell her that she might die from this?_ She glanced at Sam desperately. How did she even _begin_ this conversation.

Sam took the cue from her. "Gracie, your Mum is quite poorly, sweetheart. Her heart isn't working properly at the moment."

"But, Jac's going to _fix it_?" The youngster asked hopefully.

"She's going to do her very best, darling." Sam told her.

Grace snuggled up to Connie. "Does it hurt very much, Mummy?"

"No, sweetie. I just get a bit dizzy and breathless sometimes – and I'm a bit tired – that's all."

There was a knock at the door and Jac Naylor popped her head around, dressed in her scrubs. "Oh, hello Sam – Grace. Connie, we're ready for you, ok? Is there anything else you want to ask before you go in?"

"No, I just want to get it over with. Sam – you can both stay at mine, while you're here – don't bother with a hotel."

"Ok. Thank you." He answered. "Gracie, say goodbye to your Mum for now." He squeezed Connie's shoulder comfortingly as Grace gave Connie a hug.

"You'll be ok, Mum – _Jac's brilliant._ I love you Mummy."

"I love you too, Gracie." She whispered.

After Connie had been wheeled away, Grace and Sam sat in the relatives room. "She'll be ok, Daddy. - Jac's the _best_ after you and Mum!" Grace told him confidently – hugging him tightly. "She did a _great_ job on me, didn't she – and you know, we could have _both_ died in the crash, but we _didn't_."

"You could go and drop the cases off at Connie's – have a shower – to take your mind off it, Sam." Charlie suggested.

" _No!_ " The younger man answered sharply. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap, but I'm not going _anywhere_ , Charlie – not until she's back out."

"Ok. Do you want me to take Grace back after my shift – I can stay with her there for a bit."

" _I'm not going anywhere either._ " Grace retorted stubbornly. "I'm not trying to be difficult, Charlie, but if Daddy's staying at the hospital – then so am I."

Sam nodded in acceptance of his daughter's decision. If she wanted to wait for news, he wasn't going to argue. He suddenly groaned. " _The school_ – I was _meant_ to ring the school! They don't even know she's here..."

"You haven't done that yet, Daddy?"

Sam shook his head. " _I forgot._ I just _totally_ forgot – and I've got no idea what to say..." He trailed off. He just felt numb at the moment – if he was honest, he didn't really _care_ about Grace's school.

Charlie patted his shoulder. "Give me the number, Sam – and I'll do it. You've got enough on your plate..."

Sam scrolled through his phone and handed it to Charlie. "Charlie, would you mind taking Grace to the canteen – she needs something to eat." He muttered as Charlie copied the number down and handed his phone back.

Grace opened her mouth to argue. She didn't want anything to eat and she didn't want to leave the room.

"Come on, sweetheart – Duffy's just going on a break." Charlie interjected quickly, checking his watch. "We'll go and find her – I think Daddy needs a few minutes on his own."

Sam felt bad about sending her off with Charlie, but his own feelings from the shock of the situation he'd found himself in, were threatening to take over and he _couldn't_ let Grace see him cry. As soon as she was out of earshot, it was just too much and he was momentarily _over-whelmed_ by his sobs. He'd been so busy trying to hold it together in front of Grace, as well as trying to support an unusually terrified Connie that he hadn't had time to think about himself until now. Now that he was alone, suddenly all his own emotions bombarded him at once and he was powerless to stop them, but. this was _not_ his dream coming true. _It was not._

In the nightmare, they had been too late. They had come to England for the funeral, but the reality was, that they had _seen_ and _spoken_ to Connie before she went for surgery, and risky as it was, there was nothing to suggest that she _wouldn't_ survive.

 _He had to pull himself together and hold on to that._


	2. Chapter 2

There was a knock at the door and Charlie popped his head around. "Ok?"

Sam took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. "Yeah. Is Grace alright?"

"She's fine. Duffy's taken her for some dinner. - and the school's all sorted. I spoke to them and they were very understanding."

"Thanks."

Charlie hesitated. "Sam, I hope you don't mind, but Ethan was the _first_ person Connie told – I thought it might help to speak to him."

Sam nodded as Charlie opened the door wider to let Dr Hardy past. He went out and began to close the door behind him, but Sam stopped him.

"Charlie – _wait!_ " He exclaimed. "I er...I promised Connie that Grace wouldn't find out how _scared_ she's been..."

Charlie looked sympathetically at him. "Sam, Grace is a smart young girl - I think she's probably _noticed_." He said gently.

"Yes, she probably _has_." Sam agreed. "But Connie's very aware that Grace has always seen her as a very _brave_ , _strong_ person and I think she's anxious that Grace _still_ thinks that about her – if the _worst_ happens."

Charlie nodded. "That's understandable. She won't hear it from _me_ , Sam."

" _Nor me._ " Ethan agreed.

"Thanks." Sam responded gratefully as Ethan sat down and Charlie left, closing the door behind him.

"No _offence,_ mate – " Sam muttered to Ethan. "but why would Connie confide in _you_? - I mean, I know she's been mentoring you, Grace told me that – but still, _why you?!"_

"No offence taken." Ethan answered. "She didn't exactly _confide_ in me – she asked for my opinion on some scans to start with – a _patient's_ , she said, as part of my training and my interest was captured. It was...an... _interesting_ and _unusual_ case. She's the boss, you know - and I _suppose_ the fact that she's been taking the time to _train_ me, means she thinks I can go somewhere, so I sort of kept asking about the case – and in return she kept asking for my opinion, but I began to notice that she became very _defensive_ if I suggested something _she didn't want to hear_." He paused, wondering just how much he should say – after all, he had operated illegally on Connie's arm and they could both get in trouble if that fact was revealed.

He eventually continued, skipping the part where he'd seen her drop the scalpel. "And then there was a patient that came into the ED. She had a life-ending condition – _end stage_. Any treatment we gave her would just pro-long her suffering. Connie _tried_ to explain that to her husband and the patient even begged Connie to 'let her go' – said she wanted to sign a DNAR, but the husband wouldn't accept it. Connie was _visibly_ upset when her patient agreed to have treatment for her husband's sake – she even _yelled_ at the man at one point – though, I think she went and apologised to him after, but I could see that she was taking the case _way_ too personally. I put two and two together and confronted her. She was angry at first – but she didn't deny it." He decided there was no need to mention the clot. "I _tried_ to get her to have treatment then, Sam, but she was in complete denial. She said, _she_ knew the stats better than anyone and the risks of surgery far out-weighed the benefits . She said she was going to deal with it in her own way and it was none of my business. I told her she wasn't coping as well as she thought and said she didn't have to do it alone. If she didn't want to talk to me than, she could talk to Charlie – I don't think she did at that point though, so I kept trying to talk her round."

"Well, er...thank you for _noticing_ that she was struggling – and for being _here_ to support her. I wasn't – and _I should have been_." He muttered. "I should never have left – maybe if I hadn't, she wouldn't have felt that she _had_ to do it alone...""

"You're here _now_ , Sam" Ethan told him quietly. " _That's_ what matters. Is there anything else you want to know?"

"Well – obviously, Charlie knows _now_ – so how did he find out? I mean did she tell him eventually?"

"I think he'd already noticed her being ' _not quite right_ _'_ in resus a couple of times – she looked a bit dizzy or asked for a glass of water and I think he did ask her, at the time, if she was ok and she said she was fine – but he never seemed _totally_ convinced and then, eventually, she changed her mind about the surgery – _I think_ it was after speaking to Grace one day – she suddenly seemed frightened about _what might happen_ if she didn't have any treatment - and she called Charlie into her office and told him." Ethan explained. "She _told_ Charlie she was going to tell you, maybe she was intending to at the time – but when he later asked if you were going to bring Grace over, she just muttered something about you not being able to ' _just drop everything_ ' Neither of us realised that you _didn't know_."

Sam let out a sigh. "It's probably _my_ fault – Connie and I haven't really spoken to each other since I left. It's been Grace whose had contact with her. I _meant_ to speak to her at some point to discuss her arrangements when she comes over Christmas – but I thought it'd be awkward speaking to her after the _way_ I left, so I kept putting it off. Maybe she felt the same way about speaking to me."

"Or _maybe_ she just didn't want to tell you something like that over the phone, Sam" Ethan suggested. "It's not an _easy_ conversation to have at the best of times – is it?"

There was a knock at the door and Duffy appeared with Grace. "She's had her dinner, Sam – I brought you a sandwich and a cup of coffee. I bet _you_ haven't eaten either!"

"Thank you, Duffy." Sam answered as Grace dropped down next to him.

"Hello, Ethan." She commented politely. "Thank you for dinner, Duffy." She called as the nurse turned to leave.

"You're welcome, sweetie. I'll pop by and see you later."

"Hello, Grace." Ethan stood up. "I should go – break'll be over soon."

 _It was a long and agonizing wait for Grace and Sam._ Eventually, Jac arrived in the relative's room to tell them that the surgery had gone well and she was confident that she had successfully removed the tumour. Connie was still in recovery – they were closely monitoring her, due to the nature of the surgery, but she would be taken back to her room in a little while – at which point, Jac promised to come and get them.

Once back in Connie's room, they faced a further wait, as Connie was drowsy and not fully compos-mentis.

" _Urgh_ " She eventually muttered, suggesting that she was now _'with it'_ enough to know where she was again.

"Con?" Sam said softly.

" _Huh?_ Oh – hi." She muttered, gingerly sitting up. " _I'm still here then!_ "

"Yeah – _looks that way!_ Jac said the surgery went well." He answered, standing up and walking around her bed to wake Grace, who was curled up, asleep, in an armchair.

"You could have taken her home, Sam – you didn't _have_ to stay."

Sam looked up. "She _refused_ to leave the hospital! She's as stubborn as a mule – _like you_!"

" _You_ refused to leave first, Dad!" Grace grumbled sleepily. She opened her eyes and saw Connie looking at her. " _Mummy_! You're awake!...Can I...can I _hug_ you?" she asked nervously.

"Mmm, _gently_." Connie told her.

"So, um...we might need to go _shopping_ – at some point." Grace mumbled against her Mum's shoulder.

"There is _food_ in the house, sweetheart." Connie pointed out.

"Mm-hm. Not what I _meant_ though." Grace answered. She looked at Sam. "Unless you were planning on walking around in your underwear, Daddy?" She added brightly.

Sam looked horrified. " _What?_ "

"I thought your case seemed a bit _light_ , so looked in it earlier – when you went to the bathroom." She explained, giggling. "You didn't bring any _actual_ clothes!"

Connie chuckled "Come on then, Miss Marple! What _did_ he bring?"

Grace smirked. " _Pants_ – _lots of pants!_ " She giggled again at the appalled look on her Dad's face. "Specifically – _12 pairs of pants, 3 pairs of socks_ and _a toothbrush!"_

Connie snorted in amusement. "Sam – didn't your Mum teach you _how_ to pack?"

" _I was in a hurry._ " Sam muttered, huffily. He had known that he'd need a toothbrush, but he'd been so shaken up by his dream, that after that, he had just ' _opened a drawer and grabbed an armful out of it_ '. _Obviously_ , it had been the top drawer.

Connie sniggered. "Well, if all _else_ fails – at least you'll have _clean underwear!_ "

" _I was half asleep._ " He protested.

She snorted again. " _Clearly!_ " She paused, thoughtfully. "So, if Charlie didn't _ring_ you - and you _didn't know_ when you arrived, _why_ did you spontaneously decide to come over? - and did it have anything to do with that _'odd' message_ you left on my phone?"

Sam opened his mouth to answer as _diplomatically_ as he could – but Grace got there first, giggling. " _Daddy wanted you because he had a bad dream!_ "

Connie sniggered. " _Poor Daddy!"_

 _Grace wasn't finished yet._ "I was woken up in the _middle of the night_ , because Daddy was prancing about his room looking for clothes to pack – clothes which he _obviously_ didn't find!" She added, smirking.

Connie chuckled, patting Sam's hand lightly – as much as she was enjoying taking the mickey, he did look embarrassed and she couldn't help feeling a little sorry for him. "You going to tell me what _happened_ in this bad dream, then?"

"I'd rather not talk about it, Con – _you're ok now_. Let's just say that _something bad happened_ , ok?"

Connie nodded, smirking slightly. "Mm-hm...I think that's probably _why_ they're called ' _nightmares'_ , Sam!"


End file.
